You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
