So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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