my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
