I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
