i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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