i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
