Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He better not be in your backpack
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
