Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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