the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
