Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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