did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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