Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
high people should be assigned attendants
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
