Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
