Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
