oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
