i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
