I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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