drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we made out on top of his cat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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