I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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