It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
