He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
