So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
