Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
