they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
