you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
