fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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