I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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