soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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