he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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