Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
