so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
