If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
