if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
