How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
