when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Houston, we have a blender
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
