You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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