hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
