I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
