he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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