Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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