im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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