so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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