I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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