I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
