so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
