I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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