The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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