i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
operation have a gay friend backfired
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
