I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
