Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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