Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
