Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
