it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
