these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
